Have you ever avoided certain people because you were afraid they’d find out certain things about you? I certainly have. For example I’d cringe whenever an acquaintance asked me “So what do you do?” I know you’re thinking I’m a weirdo now because that’s a typical question to ask when you’re trying to get to know a person. Well, yes actually I can be a weirdo sometimes but you see that’s my point. I had the problem. Not them.
Let me explain. I was ashamed of who I was. I was and still am a stay at home mom but here’s my little secret: I’m a stay at home homeschooling mom to an only child. Wait. It gets worse…I actually enjoy it. Phew there I said. My problem was that I cared way too much what these working professionals thought of me. Maybe they’d think I’m lazy or maybe they’d think that I have no ambition or drive. So as if to confirm my fears, on several occasions when my little secret was revealed they’d turn to my husband with a sympathetic look on their faces and ask “So, how do you really feel about having to live on only one income?” I’ll be honest; those reactions really ticked me off. I’d gripe and pout about how nobody asked for their ridiculous opinion blah blah blah. Not to their face of course that would be rude. Hehehe
But after my anger subsided it would be replaced by this nagging feeling that I wasn’t enough. I’d go into self-pity mode and mope around sighing about how I felt so stuck and how I wasn’t working hard enough. I’d stay up at night thinking about how I needed to do something important or grand. Seriously, it was so pathetic that the only things missing were a violin and a handkerchief.
Here’s the bottom line, mama was tired. I was tired of striving to prove myself to other people but I was especially tired of my Idea of what it meant to have worth or an identity.
Then by God’s grace I realized that my Identity was not in what I did or didn’t do. It wasn’t the color of skin, my intellect, my employment status or the size of my bank account. All those things are great but they are also fleeting. Here today and gone tomorrow. So if all of those things I did or had were stripped from me what would determine who I was?
I guess to be fair we’d have to start by changing the question. Instead of asking what I do you’d have to ask me who I am. And I’d answer that my worth and Identity all come down to one very important factor: God my creator. I am his child both now and into eternity. He is welcome in my heart, home and family. Everything I do flows from my love and desire to do my father’s will.
So tell me now, who are you?